My demons hide
April 15, 2014
Not again. Don’t slow down, don’t give in.
Don’t let the numbers control you, define you.
How much longer could I carry my heavy heart? I couldn’t figure out what it was, what was going on.
A cyclic rhythm possessed my life: low test scores, slow times during sets and shorter hours of sleep. A broken beat took hold of my heart: disgusted, disappointed and discouraged.
In the midst of a constant battle against myself, I found that the fear of failing myself was the eye of the storm. My ability to push through hardships somehow became my weakness. How much was too much, how far was too far, but most importantly, how could I realize when I was building myself up or tearing myself down? I wasn’t sure how my greatest virtue could now be my demise.
That was the day I met my demon.
Feeding off my insecurity, sadness and disappointment, it was consuming me. Until I truly made peace and embraced my shortcomings, I wasn’t able to experience the life I was created for. And after I let go of the suffocating expectations I had for myself, I realized that it’s okay to have a weak spot, it’s okay to admit that you aren’t capable of certain things and it’s okay to not always be on top.
All of us go through heart-breaking moments, but anything that is carried inside, that drowns the spirit is not worth it. Reader, you are more than the numbers, more than the expectations, you are a beautiful, priceless soul created to live. You are enough. It is unbelievable how enough you are. I encourage you to start living like it.